thokar..

aaj toot gayi aur haar gayi,

asha thak kar hai choor hui,

sir bhari hai, aankhen pathrayi,

ashkon ki nirmal dhar hui,

dheere se kadam jo uthte hain,

mano pathar bhar bhari hon,

nazren boondon ko dhundh rahin,

meelon tak raagistaanon mein

khud par hi jhunjhla baithi hun,

main khud se hi naraz hui...

Aloha..!!

As the blue of the sky shadowed over turquoise of the ocean,
the clouds grew whiter and denser;
They were more like icebergs,
condensed flakes of snow,
cotton balls stitched on to on a sheet of blue..

As we saw the outline of hills on the horizon,
the white and the orange merging into the redness of the settling sun,
it felt like something was settling within..

That this is the moment.. the moment to live..
and this is ours, one that no one can take away from us.
As if time and space stood still in eternity..

And thereafter,
it was azure for as far as eyes could see..

It was then I realized that we were about to land..
As the plane tilted towards the ground, it felt like I was sinking into the blue..

As we approached the land,
I could see small white dots which very soon grew to little squiggles
and then into the surfing white waves crashing into the green of the land

What looked so calm and halcyon from so far apart, wasn't so calm after all..

As those rising waves crashed onto the shore,
it was like all that was inside of me.. landed on to the rocks..
only to break off in pieces and come back to me..
So it could take new shapes. more massive than ever..

The time hadn't stopped after all
We were landing back into reality..

Dancing with the limp

You will lose someone you can’t live without,
your heart will be badly broken,
the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.

But this is also the good news.

They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up.

And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never...

heals perfectly—that still hurts

when the weather gets cold,

but you learn to dance with the limp..

My soul

There is one friend in the life
of each of us who seems not
a separate person,
however dear and beloved,
but an expansion,
an interpretation,
of one's self,
the very meaning of one's soul.

Where did I lose mine?

The sun and the sand..

As I bathe my hair in the golden rays,
I dig my toes deep in the tiniest grains;
As I watch these monsters of blue
wash off my tan;
I ain't want no shade,
I ain't like no rain;
I belong to the land,
of the sun and the sand..

Hospital charts... humor for a change..

She has no rigors or chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals he is circus sized.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities

More than one night..

Tonight as I lie in bed at night, I find myself asking again, “Where did I go wrong?”

I have asked myself this many a times before. But tonight, the question is a little different, ‘Did I go wrong before or am I wrong now?’

Was I wrong in believing in myself or am I wrong in choosing not to believe in you?

Did I not understand me or did I not understand you?

Was I wrong in not asking questions before or am I wrong in asking them now?

Did I even know how deep this was until today? Did I even know how much I was hurt until you tried to heal?

Was it wrong to be hurt or is it wrong to refuse to be healed? Do I even know that you are trying to heal?

Isn’t healing just letting it be?

It’s a part of me now. A part I don’t know I can ever part with..

I want to forgive and forget.

I wish I could.

It is ironical that you are offering me what I always ever asked for and I just can’t open my arms to accept it.

I feel so far away from every thing .

But I find comfort in being alone. Comfort in being me..

Because this is all I have.. I can’t let you in here..

No, not again.

This is my world. It is stupid and it is weird.

It is unreal and clumsy and a mess. But this is it. And it is mine..

And I won’t let you in here coz I can’t risk you turning it around.

I can’t risk you leaving me in one where I don’t know how to move..

I don’t know what more I can give you..

Coz I don’t know what I have left with me.. that I did not give you already..

As I ask myself again, “Where did I go wrong?”.

The only answer I find is, “This shall take more than one night.”