Life..

Listen to life.

See it for the fathomless mystery that it is.

In the boredom and pain of it

no less than in the excitement and gladness:

touch, taste, smell your way to the holy

and hidden heart of it

because in the last analysis,

all moments are key moments,

and life itself is grace

Beauty around me..!

I was struck by the fact that I hadn't been awed in a while.

Did that mean
awesome things had disappeared from my life?

No.

What it did mean was
that I'd gotten too caught up in distractions

and mind mucking

to recognize
anything as awe-inspiring. . . .

I hadn't been paying attention to the beauty around me.

The Seven Selves

In the stillest hour of the night, as I lay half asleep, my seven
selves sat together and thus conversed in whisper:

First Self: Here, in this madman, I have dwelt all these years,
with naught to do but renew his pain by day and recreate his sorrow
by night. I can bear my fate no longer, and now I rebel.

Second Self: Yours is a better lot than mine, brother, for it is
given to me to be this madman's joyous self. I laugh his laughter
and sing his happy hours, and with thrice winged feet I dance
his brighter thoughts. It is I that would rebel against my weary
existence.

Third Self: And what of me, the love-ridden self, the flaming brand
of wild passion and fantastic desires? It is I the love-sick self
who would rebel against this madman.

Fourth Self: I, amongst you all, am the most miserable, for naught
was given me but odious hatred and destructive loathing. It is
I, the tempest-like self, the one born in the black caves of Hell,
who would protest against serving this madman.

Fifth Self: Nay, it is I, the thinking self, the fanciful self,
the self of hunger and thirst, the one doomed to wander without
rest in search of unknown things and things not yet created; it is
I, not you, who would rebel.

Sixth Self: And I, the working self, the pitiful labourer, who,
with patient hands, and longing eyes, fashion the days into images
and give the formless elements new and eternal forms--it is I, the
solitary one, who would rebel against this restless madman.

Seventh Self: How strange that you all would rebel against this
man, because each and every one of you has a preordained fate to
fulfill. Ah! could I but be like one of you, a self with a determined
lot! But I have none, I am the do-nothing self, the one who sits
in the dumb, empty nowhere and nowhen, while you are busy re-creating
life. Is it you or I, neighbours, who should rebel?

When the seventh self thus spake the other six selves looked with
pity upon him but said nothing more; and as the night grew deeper
one after the other went to sleep enfolded with a new and happy
submission.

But the seventh self remained watching and gazing at nothingness,
which is behind all things.

Letting Go..

To let go isn't to forget,
not to think about,
or ignore.
It doesn't leave feelings of
anger, jealousy, or regret.

Letting go isn't about
winning or losing.
It's not about pride and
it's not about how you
appear, and
it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go isn't blocking memories
or thinking sad thoughts,
and it doesn't leave
emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
It's not about giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss and
it's not about defeat.

To let go
is to cherish the memories,
but to overcome and move on.
It is having an open mind and
confidence in the future.

Letting go is
learning and experiencing and growing.
To let go is to be thankful for the
experiences that made you laugh,
made you cry,
and made you grow.
It's about all that you have,
all that you had,
and all that you will soon gain.

Letting go is
having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
Letting go is growing up.
It is realizing that the heart
can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To let go is to open a door,
and to clear a path
and set yourself free...

Kya tum ab bhi dekh rahe ho?

Jab main sone leti thi,
pas mere tum baithe the,
Kabhi balon ko suljhate the,
Kabhi haule se sehlate the,
Jo nazar utha kar dekhti main,
to palkein band kar dete the,

Tum tuk tuk dekh rahe the,
aur maine palken neechi kar lein,

Neend lagi bhi meri to,
Sapnon mein bhi tum hi tum the,
Har choti baat pe ladti main,
Aur tum mujhko samjhate the,
Har hathboli par meri tum,
Muska kar maan jate the.
Main jeet ke khush ho jati thi,
tum haar ke bhi khush hote the
Mujhe man hi man muskate dekh
palkon ko chooma karte the.

Adhi raina beet gayi
Aankhon mein to neend nhi
Ab tum mere paas nahi ho
Kya tum ab bhi dekh rahe ho?

Jab mein sone leti thi....

Some priceless gifts...

I feel m happy from within,
by the birth of someone
who makes me complete.
I hope today all ur dreams come true,
just like it fulfilled for me,
the dreams which are filled with u.
I wish I could be there with u,
but believe me, I m not here too,
as my heart and soul, just miss u
n wish a happy birthday to u!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Your birthday was approaching
I was sitting here contemplating
Of a gift I should be buying
Something that would leave you feeling
That you are special without saying
Many ideas I was considering
But nothing came close than giving
A promise of my love to you with no ending
And this promise I shall be renewing
With each birthday you'll be celebrating!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have your earring
You have my heart
I'll give yours back to you in a day
you'll give mine back in a month
I can't bear the thought of losing
your gentle presence forever
and so I hope
though the time will come
that we part we shall stay close
if not together.

Tonight I was enthralled by the image of you dressed the way you were.
Tonight I was proud to walk the streets holding your hand.
Tonight I was eager to explore you, watch your face as I took hold of you.
Tonight we lay together, and we talked, and maybe I was stroking your hair or you maybe were stroking mine. I remember thinking how happy I was right then at that moment.

I hope you will always write, after this short time is up, so I can always feel again the same way I feel when I talk to you here, in the autumn we first met. Please promise me you will write.

I have your earring.

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The journey from Champaign to NYC

This has been a while back.. I found these notes when browsing through a diary of mine..
So thought I'd put them up here..

Well, I am travelling.. Yes, again!!!

This is fun. My, am I loving it..!! I always love the time I spend on trips, especially when I'm travelling alone. It gives me time out, to be with myself, only myself, which I rarely get when I'm around people. Not that I don't like being around people. But well, I'd say both have their own place in life.

Sometimes, we just forget ourselves in the middle of all the work and all the people around us. This gives me a chance to reconnect with myself.

Hmmm.. Ya. The decision of taking the bus to get to NY ( Its a 23 hour drive) over the flight wasn't a bad idea at all. I'm traveling through a good part of the country (even though I would have preferred to see it without the glass window in between), which is way better than flying amongst clouds ( which I love too.. but then, they are just the same everywhere, lol!!)

I am dead tired after a whole day in Champaign with all my luggage, figuring out how to get from here to there..
But when I'm on the bus, I'm not sleepy. My eyes are staring out the window and I just can't bring myself to close them ( There is also a small night light, right on top of my head, that doesn't go off :( ).
Its 2 in the night. There is practically nothing visible out the window but I still continue to stare.
Its the vastness of the dark enveloping the silhouette of trees.. I see them stretched endlessly along the road side.
I wonder what trees are they? What kind..? Something exotic..? Would I be familiar with the names..?

As the music from the ear phones rings into my ears, the physical sensation of them disappears and I feel the music as if in the air..

Wohh.. Its a starry night..!! I can spot The Great Bear even from the bus.
Other than a cluster of lights visible occasionally along the way, and of course, those neon advertisement signs, its the star studded envelope of black all around.

I don't know why, but I have so always loved watching the roads rush back as we move forward on the road ( Yes, the relative velocity fundaa..). I'm not quite sure if its the idea of moving ahead or of leaving the landmarks along the road of life behind us, that fascinates me more. But I have realized that I can stare at those linear stretches of gray concrete speeding behind, for hour together without wanting to blink my eyes.

Those trees by the road, they are so many, but all on their own, standing there through day and night witnessing the movement, the continuous, so called forward movement of the world.
But, isn't there an almost equal amount of traffic on both sides of the divider?
So, which one is moving forward and which one would be said to be going back..?

Just wondering..

Guess they are all moving forward..on their own path.. to their own destinations..
And does it even really matter? Which way are we moving.. as long as we are moving..

Movement, I would say, is the essence of life.. The yellow line along the road, is probably the only one that moves along with us, right till the end; even as we leave everything behind us moving 'forward' on the road .. the road of life..

What is this yellow line?

This is nothing but the road itself.. The road we take is the only one that accompanies us during the journey.
Not the landmarks we use to help us know we are on the right track, not the stops we use to rest to replenish the energy and strength for the rest of the trip, neither the hurdles we come across along the way, which are only meant to be crossed and left behind.
Nor the fellow passengers who keep coming and going as we halt at different stops. There might be many with us for some parts of the journey, there might not be any for others..
What matters is that we move on..!!

Its our journey and we must make it.. No one else can do it for us, no one else can do it with us..

And really, I don't think it would be that much fun if it wasn't just ours..
Thats what makes it so special. While its good to have company during parts of it, there are other parts which we must go through, just on our own..

The romance of it, the adventure is only because its me taking it, looking at the world with my own eyes,breathing it all in, feeling it sink into myself, and become a part of me.

You got to dive in the water to know how much fun swimming is; you got to feel the adrenalin rush through your nerves when the tide is high against you; when your muscles are cramping, when you are out of breath or when you are in water fathom deep.

And once you do it, it gives you the confidence. The confidence of getting into the waters, getting soaked and wet, facing the tide and riding it high.. and its then that you start enjoying it.. when you win over the fear.. and aren't afraid to go out there and get your feet wet..

Despite many adversities that I came across on this trip, things have worked out for me, so far..!! ( In hindsight, this is a gross understatement. Little did I know when I wrote this, how much more was in store)

People have been nice, very nice to me. I don't know what I would have done without all the people who have been helping me out with every single thing, from finding the shopping store to making coffee. And the interesting part is, these are all, so called, strangers. People whom I have never met before, who don't even know my name sometimes ( and vice versa), people I probably will never see again in life.

I have really no way of expressing my gratitude to them, neither were they looking for it. We have crossed paths in our journey around this world, and they have quietly made their contribution and moved on, not an insignificant one though..

I really wish to God I'm able to carry on the legacy, in whatever small ways possible...