Friday, April 22, 2011

Hospital charts... humor for a change..

She has no rigors or chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals he is circus sized.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities

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