Letting Go..

To let go isn't to forget,
not to think about,
or ignore.
It doesn't leave feelings of
anger, jealousy, or regret.

Letting go isn't about
winning or losing.
It's not about pride and
it's not about how you
appear, and
it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go isn't blocking memories
or thinking sad thoughts,
and it doesn't leave
emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
It's not about giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss and
it's not about defeat.

To let go
is to cherish the memories,
but to overcome and move on.
It is having an open mind and
confidence in the future.

Letting go is
learning and experiencing and growing.
To let go is to be thankful for the
experiences that made you laugh,
made you cry,
and made you grow.
It's about all that you have,
all that you had,
and all that you will soon gain.

Letting go is
having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
Letting go is growing up.
It is realizing that the heart
can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To let go is to open a door,
and to clear a path
and set yourself free...

Kya tum ab bhi dekh rahe ho?

Jab main sone leti thi,
pas mere tum baithe the,
Kabhi balon ko suljhate the,
Kabhi haule se sehlate the,
Jo nazar utha kar dekhti main,
to palkein band kar dete the,

Tum tuk tuk dekh rahe the,
aur maine palken neechi kar lein,

Neend lagi bhi meri to,
Sapnon mein bhi tum hi tum the,
Har choti baat pe ladti main,
Aur tum mujhko samjhate the,
Har hathboli par meri tum,
Muska kar maan jate the.
Main jeet ke khush ho jati thi,
tum haar ke bhi khush hote the
Mujhe man hi man muskate dekh
palkon ko chooma karte the.

Adhi raina beet gayi
Aankhon mein to neend nhi
Ab tum mere paas nahi ho
Kya tum ab bhi dekh rahe ho?

Jab mein sone leti thi....

Some priceless gifts...

I feel m happy from within,
by the birth of someone
who makes me complete.
I hope today all ur dreams come true,
just like it fulfilled for me,
the dreams which are filled with u.
I wish I could be there with u,
but believe me, I m not here too,
as my heart and soul, just miss u
n wish a happy birthday to u!!

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Your birthday was approaching
I was sitting here contemplating
Of a gift I should be buying
Something that would leave you feeling
That you are special without saying
Many ideas I was considering
But nothing came close than giving
A promise of my love to you with no ending
And this promise I shall be renewing
With each birthday you'll be celebrating!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have your earring
You have my heart
I'll give yours back to you in a day
you'll give mine back in a month
I can't bear the thought of losing
your gentle presence forever
and so I hope
though the time will come
that we part we shall stay close
if not together.

Tonight I was enthralled by the image of you dressed the way you were.
Tonight I was proud to walk the streets holding your hand.
Tonight I was eager to explore you, watch your face as I took hold of you.
Tonight we lay together, and we talked, and maybe I was stroking your hair or you maybe were stroking mine. I remember thinking how happy I was right then at that moment.

I hope you will always write, after this short time is up, so I can always feel again the same way I feel when I talk to you here, in the autumn we first met. Please promise me you will write.

I have your earring.

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The journey from Champaign to NYC

This has been a while back.. I found these notes when browsing through a diary of mine..
So thought I'd put them up here..

Well, I am travelling.. Yes, again!!!

This is fun. My, am I loving it..!! I always love the time I spend on trips, especially when I'm travelling alone. It gives me time out, to be with myself, only myself, which I rarely get when I'm around people. Not that I don't like being around people. But well, I'd say both have their own place in life.

Sometimes, we just forget ourselves in the middle of all the work and all the people around us. This gives me a chance to reconnect with myself.

Hmmm.. Ya. The decision of taking the bus to get to NY ( Its a 23 hour drive) over the flight wasn't a bad idea at all. I'm traveling through a good part of the country (even though I would have preferred to see it without the glass window in between), which is way better than flying amongst clouds ( which I love too.. but then, they are just the same everywhere, lol!!)

I am dead tired after a whole day in Champaign with all my luggage, figuring out how to get from here to there..
But when I'm on the bus, I'm not sleepy. My eyes are staring out the window and I just can't bring myself to close them ( There is also a small night light, right on top of my head, that doesn't go off :( ).
Its 2 in the night. There is practically nothing visible out the window but I still continue to stare.
Its the vastness of the dark enveloping the silhouette of trees.. I see them stretched endlessly along the road side.
I wonder what trees are they? What kind..? Something exotic..? Would I be familiar with the names..?

As the music from the ear phones rings into my ears, the physical sensation of them disappears and I feel the music as if in the air..

Wohh.. Its a starry night..!! I can spot The Great Bear even from the bus.
Other than a cluster of lights visible occasionally along the way, and of course, those neon advertisement signs, its the star studded envelope of black all around.

I don't know why, but I have so always loved watching the roads rush back as we move forward on the road ( Yes, the relative velocity fundaa..). I'm not quite sure if its the idea of moving ahead or of leaving the landmarks along the road of life behind us, that fascinates me more. But I have realized that I can stare at those linear stretches of gray concrete speeding behind, for hour together without wanting to blink my eyes.

Those trees by the road, they are so many, but all on their own, standing there through day and night witnessing the movement, the continuous, so called forward movement of the world.
But, isn't there an almost equal amount of traffic on both sides of the divider?
So, which one is moving forward and which one would be said to be going back..?

Just wondering..

Guess they are all moving forward..on their own path.. to their own destinations..
And does it even really matter? Which way are we moving.. as long as we are moving..

Movement, I would say, is the essence of life.. The yellow line along the road, is probably the only one that moves along with us, right till the end; even as we leave everything behind us moving 'forward' on the road .. the road of life..

What is this yellow line?

This is nothing but the road itself.. The road we take is the only one that accompanies us during the journey.
Not the landmarks we use to help us know we are on the right track, not the stops we use to rest to replenish the energy and strength for the rest of the trip, neither the hurdles we come across along the way, which are only meant to be crossed and left behind.
Nor the fellow passengers who keep coming and going as we halt at different stops. There might be many with us for some parts of the journey, there might not be any for others..
What matters is that we move on..!!

Its our journey and we must make it.. No one else can do it for us, no one else can do it with us..

And really, I don't think it would be that much fun if it wasn't just ours..
Thats what makes it so special. While its good to have company during parts of it, there are other parts which we must go through, just on our own..

The romance of it, the adventure is only because its me taking it, looking at the world with my own eyes,breathing it all in, feeling it sink into myself, and become a part of me.

You got to dive in the water to know how much fun swimming is; you got to feel the adrenalin rush through your nerves when the tide is high against you; when your muscles are cramping, when you are out of breath or when you are in water fathom deep.

And once you do it, it gives you the confidence. The confidence of getting into the waters, getting soaked and wet, facing the tide and riding it high.. and its then that you start enjoying it.. when you win over the fear.. and aren't afraid to go out there and get your feet wet..

Despite many adversities that I came across on this trip, things have worked out for me, so far..!! ( In hindsight, this is a gross understatement. Little did I know when I wrote this, how much more was in store)

People have been nice, very nice to me. I don't know what I would have done without all the people who have been helping me out with every single thing, from finding the shopping store to making coffee. And the interesting part is, these are all, so called, strangers. People whom I have never met before, who don't even know my name sometimes ( and vice versa), people I probably will never see again in life.

I have really no way of expressing my gratitude to them, neither were they looking for it. We have crossed paths in our journey around this world, and they have quietly made their contribution and moved on, not an insignificant one though..

I really wish to God I'm able to carry on the legacy, in whatever small ways possible...

Locked words...

I try to talk to you,

but I don't know what to say.

I am afraid you don't want me to say anything.

So I don't.

But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.

And tell you how I feel-like, how I miss you.

And how I love you despite my broken heart.

And how I need you in my life.

And especially how much I want you.

But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.

Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too...

but I'll never know.........

Love...and beyond..

When all is said and done,
you are part of me.
That's the way it was meant to be.

I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was
because we complete one another.

We fill in each other's missing spots.
And that we always shall.

And if someday we part,
I trust that there is a reason.

Cause if there is reason for love,
there is reason for life beyond it.

..............

यूँ तो चल पड़ा हूँ, दिल से मगर चाहता हूँ, ये
उठ के मुझे वो रोक ले और रास्ता न दें......

Qoute..

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory, and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

- Rabindranath Tagore-

"Nothing"

Time does not wait for you or me…

days pass and years pass, u miss your best ones, you move away from your close ones.

Your life changes, friends change, people change

but your heart has those precious moments etched in it whether you want it or not.

It's always there making u happy at sad times n sad, even at happy times.

You sit back, think about those happy days and smile and when somebody asks the reason of your smile,

you just say...."NOTHING"…

Lovin' you...

Be it in the Springtime,
when all is green and new;
Be it in the Summer,
when the sky is oh so blue;
Be it in the Autumn,
when the leaves are turning brown;
Be it in the Winter,
when the snow is falling down.

Be it when I'm happy,
and even when I'm sad;
Be it when I'm good,
or when I'm oh so bad;
Be it when I'm pretty,
or when my face is plain;
Be it when I'm feeling good,
or when I'm feeling pain.

In the rain or shining sun,
after all is said and done,
Until all our life is through,
I'll be lovin' you!....

My Name is Khan..

I have been procrastinating on this for quite a bit.. Had thought of writing this a while back, when I watched the movie. But never got down to it.. It came back to me when watching the movie again on TV today..

When the movie began, my first comment was " Daud Ibrahim ne paise de kar banwayi hai"...
Second " Bekar hai ".. just as how I say for 99% of the things in the world..

But as the movie unfolded, it was funny at first, then interesting, then intriguing... and then by the end of the movie, I could finally say I had liked it ( not something I'd say for many of the movies made in Bollywood.)

What was it that I liked about the movie..?
Actors...? Music...? Cinematography.. ? Plot... ?

I'd say all them were just OKAY.. But I wdn't be a fan of any of these..

What really touched me , was the central idea of the film.. the message that they have tried to convey.. the underlying commonality of mankind that has been stressed.. across nations and religions.

The movie portrayed an idea I have come to believe in after having lived in a place ( Manipal ) , which is more cosmopolitan than any other place I could imagine in the nation. A place where I have come across people from different religions, nations and states, who bring along with them hues of different cultures, practices and beliefs.. But in that vast ocean of varieties, they live together, share each other's joys and sorrows, help each other and have loads of fun together... I believe part of the fun is being different and still being together..


I have lived in a place where I have interacted with people from across 44 nationalities. I have lived in North India and in South India. I have traveled to North east and to the west coast.
I have been to Europe and I have been to America.

I have had friends who have had Idli on their breakfast table for as long as they have lived, others have had French toasts. Does it really matter?
Some wear sarees and dance Kuchchipudi; others dress in halters and rock and roll. But they all dance to celebrate.
I remember when we started college, I was as anxious about being away from my parents out of my home as my friends from Dubai or Malaysia were. We cried together when we were home sick, we cheered together to cheer each other up.
That was the first time I went to a Hindu temple ( I was never a fan of Hinduism before). And thereafter, I went time and again... Every time I was stuck up with something, when I had exams or simply to play with the kids in the park outside the temple :P

When I went abroad the first time, the first people I met were Portuguese.. During the little time I spent with them, I felt they were so simple, just like the guys in my paternal village; even though they drove BMWs and worked on notebooks.. The family I stayed with, was worried if their daughter didn't get back home by 10 at night, just as my parents are when I don't ( only the time line differs :P ) .

When I considered studying and living in US, I was "guided" , "warned", "cautioned" by many , " You'll always be regarded as a Second Citizen", " You'll be thrown out first the moment there are any issues", " You'll be discriminated against". I'm not going to say if they were right or wrong. May be, its too early to say. May be, there is some amount of truth in these.

But during my short period of stay ( 6 months), I did not, for one moment, feel the people there were any different from the ones I had always lived with. I spent time in the hospital, I saw patients die, I saw lives being saved. I saw their families care of them and also many others abandon them; just as I have back home. The diseases causing it might differ, but they all eventually die, and white skinned Americans grieve for their loved ones just as much as Black skinned Africans do... Where is the divide?
I went for classes with Americans and took exams with them; trust me, they hate them just as much as anyone else does.
I stayed with Koreans and I lived with Gujjus.

Yes, there are a lot of differences..

But I realized that deep inside, we are all the same.. We all have similar feelings, emotions, reactions and attitudes, weaknesses and strengths.. and this commonality traverses the boundaries of religions and borders of nations and continents.. this is what makes us "One World" where we all just fellow human beings.. striving to make this World a better place.. for us and for others.. It is only when this realization dawns, that we open the windows of our minds and doors of our heart to all and one. We stop asking for surnames before we shake hands. We stop telling our children to look out for their friends' skin color. We start letting love enter our heart.. enter it and fill it.. fill it so there is no place for anything else.. no place for prejudice, no place for hatred ... but only for love.. and a mutual respect, for each other..

This respect for each others' beliefs and tolerance toward each others' practices is what make us human beings.

Romance..

To be romantic is
quite simply,

to allow yourself to fall
in love with life -- all of life -- and experience it
fully,
openly,
passionately...

Old is Gold..

When you truly care for someone,
you don't look for faults,
you don't look for answers,
you don't look for mistakes.
Instead, you fight the mistakes,
you accept the faults,
and you overlook the excuses.

NEVER abandon an old friend.
You will never find one who can take his place...

I hate love..

"Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts.

Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love."

Koi khaas nahin...

Koii pooche mujhse kaun ho tum,
toh keh dungi koii khas nahin.
Dost jaisa hai par dost nahin.
Milta toh hai par roz nahin.
Ek chehra dekha dekha hai,
par iss bheed main mujhe pehchaan nahin.
koii pooche mujhse kaun ho tum,
toh keh dungi koii khas nahin.

Mera gum yun hi baant leta hai,
par apna gum batlata nahin.
Har jhonke main chupa deta hai hansi,
par uss khushi ka usey ehsaas nahin.
koii pooche mujhse kaun ho tum,
toh kehdungi koii khas nahin.


Ek jhoot hai thoda sachaa sa.
Kabhi samajhdar toh kabhi bachaa sa.
Subah ki tarah khila khila,
wo subah jiski koii shaam nahin.
Koii pooche mujhse kaun ho tum,
toh kehdungi koii khaas nahin.

Ek ajnabi jo mujh jaisa hai,
Bin bole baat keh jata hai.
Yun baatien toh roz hoti hain,
par kehne ko wo paas nahin.
Koii pooche mujhse kaun ho tum,
toh keh dungi koii khaas nahin.

Home..

You were there when I took my first steps,
And went unsteadily across the floor.
You pushed and prodded: encouraged and guided,
Until my steps took me out the door...
You worry now "Is she ok?"
Is there more you could have done?
As I walk the paths unknown
You wonder"Where has my child gone?"
Where I am is where you have led me,
With your special love you showed me a way,
To believe in myself and the decisions I make.
Taking on the challenge of life day-to-day.
And where I go you can be sure,
In spirit you shall never be alone.
For where you are is what matters most to me,
Because to me that will always be home...

Me

My inside self and my outside self
Are different as can be.
My outside self wears gingham socks,
And very rough is she.
With freckles sprinkled on her nose,
And smoothly parted hair,
And clumsy feet that cannot dance,
In heavy shoes and square.

But, oh, my little inside self,
In gown of misty rose,
She dances lighter than a leaf,
On blithe and twinkling toes;
her hair is blowing gold, and if
You chanced her face to see,
You would not think she could belong,
To staid and sober me..